Feelings I've held inside
by Mizunderstoodanimeniac
Summary: Melfina hides a lot of her feelings inside. What happens when she tells everyone exactly how she feels, and hurts Gene in doing so. (Please Read and Review)
1. The Arguement

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PDisclaimer: I dont own Outlaw Star nor any of its characters. All I own is a hamster and a rabbit so please dont sue me.BR  
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The ArguementBR  
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It was late at night and everyone was sleeping but Gene, he was sitting by the window staring out at the dark sky. He was having flashbacks about all the good times that he had with Hilda and his father who were both gone.BR  
Melfina woke up and put on one of Genes t-shirts and walked downstairs. She was surprised to see Gene staring out the window looking sadly lost.BR  
, she said as she tapped his shoulder.BR  
He jumped slightly at the sound of her voice and turned around to look at her. , he whispered and smiled at her. What are you doing up so late?, he asked.BR  
I could ask you the same question, she said. BR  
He put a hand on her cheek and was surprised when she pulled away from him.BR  
s wrong Mel?, he asked curiously.BR  
She only sighed and shuffled her feet nervously in response.BR  
Melfina whats wrong? You know I love you, he said.BR  
If you love me then how come you bearly ever spend any time with me, she asked sadly.BR  
What are you talking about? he asked wearily.BR  
re never home Gene. At night youre always at some bar or something. During the day youre collecting bounties or something like that, she said.BR  
So you want me to quit my job? Gene asked her testily. He knew that it wasnt the greatest job in the world, but he loved it. Hed never give it up for the world, not even for Melfina...BR  
Gene, thats not a job. It doesnt provide a steady pay check. Some weeks were living large, the next week we only have enough for canned meat, Melfina protested.BR  
s not my fault. Its not like I dont try to provide for you and Jim, Gene said steadily trying to control his voice, hed never forgive himself if he blew up at Melfina. Aisha moved back with her family last summer, and Suzuka left one day and never came back.BR  
I never said that it was your fault, but Gene... There many other jobs out there. Why cant you go and get one? she asked heatedly. She never did like that job. She always found herself being worried about him. SHe would have dreams that hed go out to get a bounty and never come back.BR  
Why cant I? he mocked her. It annoyed him that she acting like she was his mother. Why cant you? he shot back. He didnt really mean it, she did more than enough by cooking and cleaning for them.BR  
Fine then, I will, she shot back. s not the end of it though. Im more than sick and tired of you walking in here every morning drunk as hell, she said angrily.BR  
m not always drunk, he snapped. He was trying to defend himself, but he wasnt doing a good job at it.BR  
re right. Sometimes instead of going to the bar you stop by a corner to get a two doller hoe and go to her house, she said coldly.BR  
Is that what you think I do? he asked madly. That hurt his feelings. He knew that he had a really bad past with women and everything, but hed never do anything like that to Melfina. He was strickly a one woman man since he confessed his feelings to her.BR  
Yes, it is, she answered. She focused on the wall, she couldnt look in his eyes. She knew that she hurt him, and if she looked him in the eyes she might start crying.BR  
You honestly think that Im that kind of person? he asked. I thought that you trusted me, he added softly.BR  
Well what the hell am I supposed to think when youre out there all night? she asked as hot tears slipped down her cheeks. She knew that this fight wasnt going to end with her in his arms. She knew that they probably wouldnt be talking for a long time, but there was no turning back for her now, she had already gone too far. She felt so confused, maybe she just needed some time alone.BR  
He reached out to wipe them, but she pulled away. He just stared at her shocked, but when he saw that she was serious and stared at the floor.BR  
t Gene. I... I... I just dont think that this is working out, she said sadly.BR  
What do you mean? he asked. He got realy frightened, maybe this is it for good. He felt like smaking himself in the head. He may have ruined his last chance for happiness for good.BR  
re never here for me when I need you, she said softly.BR  
When you need me? he asked.BR  
Yeah, like when Harry came and tried to kidnap me. You were out getting some kind of bounty or something, she said.BR  
So now its my fault? he said. He was getting very angry. He wasnt really angry with her, just with Harry, and with himself.BR  
I never said it was, but if you were there I wouldnt have gotten hurt, she said.BR  
Am I supposed to be your body gaurd? he asked, feeling slightly offended.BR  
No, but you obviously think that Im supposed to be youre chef and maid, she said. I cook, I clean, I practically wipe your ass, she snapped.BR  
Since when did you get such a bad attitude? he asked. He wondered where she could have picked that up.BR  
Since I woke up Gene, she said as she walked away from him.BR  
He sighed and went to bed, hoping that when he woke up that it would all be a dream, but he knew that it wouldnt. The only thing that could really take his mind off of all of this would be a nice cold drink./P  
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	2. 

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	3. Melfina Reflects

Disclaimer: I still don't own Outlaw Star, nor any of their characters.  
  


Dreams  
  


Why did I say all of those horrible things? she asked herself as she curled up on her bed trying to get som sleep. Why can't I just forget it all, she cried outloud. I wish that I weren't so damn high tech. I don't want to know how to feel, she cried. Although she tried to convince herself that she hated Gene, she knew that deep down she'd always have feelings for him.  
She got up and strolled over to the picture of herself and Gene hugging eachother outside of the Outlaw Star. She picked it up and threw it against the wall. Then she stared at the shards of glass on the floor. She picked up one of the shards to throw it out. In doing so she accidentaly cut herself. A trickle of blood ran down to her finger tips. It felt somewhat calming. The verything that made her human like trickled down her palm. She picked up another shard cutting her other hand. It was as if her problems were leaking out of her. She continued to clean up the shards cutting herself each time.   
When all of the glass was off of the floor she had twenty two cuts on her arms. She crawled into her bed and fell asleep.  
  
_Melfina's Dream about earlier that day:  
Hello young lady. It seems like you have a heavy weight on your shoulders, an old woman said from inside an alley.  
She turned around to see a dark alley that she never noticed before. She followed the old womans humming until she found a desk made from cardboard and an old woman behind it.  
Were you calling to me? she asked the hooded woman  
Yes. I could feel your sadness, the woman said.  
Melfina asked.  
I just can. Maybe this will help straiten things out, the old woman said as she pulled a bottle out of her pocket. The bottle contained a blue liquid.  
Melfina asked again.  
It seems as if there is a lot that you want to say, but feel as if you cannot. This will help you tell people how you feel, she said.  
What? I don't know what you're talking about, Melfina said nervously. She didn't know how someone could know so much about her.  
Just take the bottle. If you need me again all you have to do is sing that song that you sing so weel, the woman said as she dissapeared.  
Where are you, Melfina called. She got no answer. She picked up the bottle and placed in in her purse.  
  
_ She remembered how good it felt to lash out. She felt about ten pounds lighter. All the feelings that she had pent up inside her brain were all set loose. She became tired of keeping that fake smile plastered on her face. She was always what other people wanted her to be, for once she was free and loose.   
Although she felt good about telling Gene what she wanted to tell him for so long, she still felt guilty about it. She wished that she couls say sorry, but she just couldn't.


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